Wednesday, 23 July 2014
Tuesday, 15 July 2014
Thursday, 26 June 2014
Monday, 23 June 2014
Sunday, 15 June 2014
Monday, 9 June 2014
Sunday, 8 June 2014
I've been M.I.A of late, I know this. I love blogging but as I've written before I've been living life, rather than huddling away at the computer praying for the storm to pass.
It's official. I am taking at least a year out of 'life! Drastic but necessary if I want to havee a life ever! I've moved out of London, away from the pressures of a full time job I didn't really love and living in a flat alone with my darkest thoughts.
I've taken on a simple part time job and it is bliss. Not all-consuming, it's just a simple, fun (if job can be fun) mindless part-time job... taken in order to take care of me.
In the last year I have gained 20lb, yuckkk, I've never been this heavy and its affecting my confidence. So I'm working on losing this now -I was drinking heavily, sitting around, not exercising, eating cheap quick fix meals as I had no money (despite working my arse off) and I was in a job I finally realise doesn't suit me (6 years too late!). No more, I'm hoping to find a job where I can show my true colours, accepting my eccentricities and flaws. I'm not rushing to push myself into something, thinking I know what I want (I get obsessed by ideas, I tend to think up quick fixes and try to find things that can quickly get my life back to 'normal' like 'everyone else'). I hope something will just naturally evolve out of interests in the coming year or two and I can pursue a career in that.
London was killing me I was paying about £2k a month just to live... to pay bills, travel and rent. No fun, no going out, no extras for shopping, gym memberships, holidays or any down time. I was always stressed, never meeting payments. It was monumentally shite. Where I live now, it's cheaper, no bills, food and zumba classes are affordable, I can treat myself and eat healthily. I am so happy. I'm not cutting, in fact I'm researching products to help fade my scars. To say goodbye to that time in my life.
Before I left I was being referred to psychiatrists, I'd been in hospital, they where pushing me to take more meds, I'd completely lost any sense of who I am. I'd say for the last two years I have been on a steady decline, the doctors appointment and realisation I had hit rock bottom where a turning point for me.
Giving up everything has been a great experience so far. Admitting defeat and starting from scratch. I'm trying to heal my scars, cover an old tattoo, lose weight and save for a holiday. I don't know if it will work yet, but here's hoping! I've got nothing left to lose!